(You Can) Lean On Me

Posted on Sun Mar 31st, 2019 @ 7:39pm by Staff Sergeant Jeremiah Corvus & Staff Sergeant Creighton Arcadia

Mission: Interlude 1
Location: Cheyenne Base - Hospital Wing
Timeline: Friday night

Arcadia sat back in the chair, floored by what he just heared. Not judging Jeremy’s admission. That he understood, in a way. It was consistent with what else Jeremy said today as well as what he’d come to know of the kid. But, he hadn’t heard they amputated his foot, just that it was a possibility. Maybe he should have come sooner, helped Jeremy prepare better. Helped Jeremy to face what was going to be a very uncertain future.

His time with SG1 was over, Arcadia was sure. Whether or not he’d be allowed to even stay in the military was doubtful at this point. Not just for the amputation, but if he tells anyone else about what he did, a psyche discharge was entirely possible. Finally he leaned forward, having allowed Jeremy the time to cry silently, trying to pretend that he’s not.

“Jeremy,” Arcadia said. Now he did move to the edge of the bed, sitting next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Losing your foot like this. When did they operate?”

Jeremy shook his head, sniffing. “They haven’t, yet,” Jeremy said, his voice shaking and low. Now Arcadia understood the undertone he’d been hearing. Fear. “I’m on another round of antibiotics and the doctor said this was the last he’d allow. If there’s no response after this one then he doesn’t have a choice in the matter.”

“Then there’s hope, right?”

“Overall, this will be my fifth bag, the third since we got back. If there was going to be improvement, it should have been seen by now. It’s just...the doctor is trying to placate me. Nothing’s going to change and, in the morning, my life will be over.”

“Your life will be over?” Arcadia asked, “We don’t know that. You can’t know that.”

“What am I going to do? I’ll get kicked out of the Air Force on a medical. I can’t be a police officer like I’ve wanted to do my whole life. I’m not trained to do anything else!”

“Maybe not now,” Arcadia said, “but the Air Force has transitional programs. There’s the GI Bill, you can go back to school and earn a degree, or a trade. There are plenty of cops who are also amputees, that’s not a barrier. I can hook you up with a few friends of mine in law enforcement.”

“You know a few amputee cops?” Jeremy asked, the skepticism heavy.

“No, but they’ll tell you, it’s not a barrier to entry. If you want, I’ll set it up, we’ll go have lunch.”

“My dad’s a cop,” Jeremy said, turning away and shaking his head. “What’s he going to say when he finds out?”

Arcadia moved off the bed, sensing some tension going on and wanting to give Jeremy space. “You haven’t called your folks yet?” he asked. This was a kid who thought ‘darn’ was going to get him sent straight to hell, that if he was impolite his mother would ground him to his quarters for his weekend passes. How bad must he be if he hasn’t called home and told them he was injured. That he was going through all of this.

“What am I supposed to tell them?” Jeremy asked. “How do I explain I got my foot cut off when it became infected by some alien wolf? They think I’m here teaching at the Academy, how do you explain wild animal attacks in the middle of the Academy?”

“Oh,” Arcadia answered. That was also a surprise. Obviously he couldn’t tell his family what he did here, but he didn’t realize how deeply indebted to a lie he was. “And you’re worried that they’ll find out you’ve been lying to them all this time?”

Jeremy’s voice cracked again as he spoke. “How can they ever trust me again? Ever since I got here, nothing but lies. I’ve never lied to them so much before.

“I didn’t even tell them I had those two days liberty, when we went skiing? I wasn’t able to get home but for a few hours and I didn’t do it. They’re going to think I’ve changed and lost everything they taught me when they found out I’ve been lying to them, and avoiding them. That’s not it. I’ve never been in trouble before, been here about a week and I’m nothing but a scumbag.” He looked over at Arcadia. “What’s wrong with me that I’m doing this, that I’m screwing up so much?”

“I don’t know,” Arcadia said, choosing honesty over anything else. “I didn’t know you before we picked you up at the airport. Yeah, we heard your conversation with your folks. I’m still impressed with a guy that was concerned about the trouble two security force airmen would get into if he arrived uncuffed. I like you, Crow, but I’m concerned by what you’re saying. Are you a scumbag? Really?”

Jeremy snorted. “You should know, you were there. You and Bellows. When Asher let everyone thing I’m a psychopath on the prowl.” Jeremy went silent except for picking at the blanket. “I don’t know what I did to him that he hates me so much.” The last was a whisper and contained almost as much pain as when he revealed he believed he had no hope to avoid amputation.

“What happened there?” Arcadia asked. “I couldn’t believe it when we got the call and it was you. But, it seemed tense.”

Jeremy shrugged. “I was an idiot and thought I could go through whenever I wanted.”

Arcadia laughed at that. “Sorry, that’s just. I wouldn’t believe that even if I was trying to convince someone of it.”

Jeremy shook his head, almost smiling. “Yeah, your crap got me in trouble already so it’s not like I trust anything you say about this place.”

“That’s probably a pretty good way to go. But c’mon, tell me about that night. Bellows and I have been getting into heated arguments with some of the other guys. They wanted to petition to have your weapons privileges stripped. We’ve stood up for you.” Arcadia leaned forward. It may be cathartic but it was definitely distracting him from the fears of what would happen in the morning.

“I had to go back to see which lie I was told was true, the village attacked and killed or safe. It was supposed to be just a quick recon to find out then straight back. I wasn’t going to Bergdahl or anything. I wasn’t going out to try to end the war myself. I just...I just needed to see for myself, that was it. The really stupid part of it? I had my head so far up my poop chute that night I didn’t realize I didn’t have a clue how to operate the Gate from the other side. I would have been trapped there and it would be just like everyone else said - I would have put others in danger just by having to open the gate and having the Iris open.”

“I don’t understand, what did it matter? Did you find some pretty young thing there and fell instantly in love?”

“No,” Jeremy said. “But it doesn’t matter, Shae starts crying about something and I’m in trouble, once again. That’s the way it goes. She cries, I get in trouble.”

Arcadia set back again, it was becoming circular. “I think going to psyche services isn’t such a bad idea.”

Jeremy remained still for a very long time. So long that Arcadia was about to ask if he were okay when Jeremy spoke again. “I’m tired,” he said, “they gave me some medicine right before you came in, a sedative to help me sleep.”

“Okay, sure,” Arcadia said, standing. “Do you mind if I come back?”

“No,” Jeremy lied. He did mind. Not because it was Arcadia but because, well, as much as he complained about none of the team coming to see him, he was at the point where he didn’t want to see anyone. He just wanted to be alone, like he would be when he became a cripple. His phone vibrated again, indicating the incoming call. Arcadie handed it to him and Jeremy looked at the screen, then swiped to end the call. His parents. Again. He wasn’t sure what they wanted, word about his injury shouldn’t have reached them yet. He doubted there was anyhting on the news about it. Still, he set the phone back on the tray table. He’d talk to them when he knew more. Like when they should come pick him up and take him home.

“Maybe you shouldn’t ignore their calls,” Arcadia said, gathering his binder. “You should talk with someone you trust.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said, letting the phone drop into his lap while he lie back on the bed, trying to get comfortable. His numbed up leg made it nearly impossible. Arcadia handed him the remote before he left the room. Jeremy had a moment where he felt bad about the way things were left but...he was tired of talking about Big Round. Not like anyone believed him about it anyway.

Picking up the phone, he unlocked the screen then slid his thumb across it. It took only a few moments then, “Dad?” he asked. It didn’t take long for him to realize he wasn’t going to be able to maintain, not when talking with his parents. “No, Dad, I’m not okay. I’m...there was an accident…”