Bullet In the Chamber (This is Gonna Hurt)

Posted on Sun Apr 7th, 2019 @ 9:20am by 1st Lieutenant Hunter Williams & Staff Sergeant Jeremiah Corvus

Mission: Interlude 1
Location: Cheyenne Base

Hunter passed through the corridor, the last at the end. Doors lined up in military precision and at set lengths. Each one was another single occupancy room behind it. They all looked alike and, honestly, they only looked slightly smaller than the quarters he’d been assigned. Despite taking the time to get his issue from supply, he still wore the standard Air Force uniform and was only slightly unhappy with the new uniform and it’s ‘spice brown’ threads and patches and, well the overall color scheme. Spice Brown? What the hell was the Air Force command thinking?

But he set that aside as he realized he was soon to arrive at his destination. He saw the end of the corridor and the bathroom facilities that serviced this corridor. As he neared his destination he saw what he presumed to be an airman by the athletic build and dog tags around the neck. Also, as he understood it, military was housed with military and civilians - if they were granted quarters at the Mountain - were housed with other civilians.

The man coming out quickly ducked into one of the doors at the end of the hallway, close to the facilities. Hunter shook his head, wondering if it was because he walked down the corridor or some other officer related reason.

But, stopping, he rapped on the door. It was a good knock, not too much knuckles, not to much force but it gave a resoundingly loud knock.

“Just a minute!” Hunter heard come from behind the door. There was also the sudden cessation of what sounded like a television being muted or turned off then the slight clicking of what he believed to be crutches against the floor.

Jeremy opened the door and saw an Air Force lieutenant standing outside. “Sir,” he said, confused. “Can I help you?”

“Sergeant Corvus?” Hunter asked, eyes narrowing as he took in the appearance of the airman. It was fitting what he heard about the man on th base - shorts, ankle socks, a t-shirt. Not even regular PT gear. It was the middle of the day, middle of a duty shift, and he was out of uniform and lounging in his quarters.

“Yes, sir,” Jeremy said, detecting a note in the lieutenant’s voice, but wasn’t sure why.

“Mind if I come in and wait?” Hunter asked.

“Wait, sir?” Jeremy asked. He didn’t even know this guy, why would he want to wait for something in Jeremy’s quarters?

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve not introduced myself have I?” Hunter said. “I’m Lieutenant Hunter Williams, yeah, yeah, I know, the name, my parents were hipsters before it was cool, obviously considering my age. But the takeaway here for you is, I’m Asher’s second and you’re out of uniform and shirking duty. Mind explaining that one, Staff Sergeant Corvus?”

Jeremy was confused by what he just heard. By all of it, actually. Captain Hawk was the team’s executive officer, Asher’s second. But, then he hadn’t seen nor heard from Hawk and now that he thought about it, that did seems strange. Didn’t even see him around the base. Now someone else was brought in? But, he also asked for an explanation as to his appearance and what he was doing.

“Lieutenant, I’m on restricted duty. I was injured on our last mission,” Jeremy said, thinking the bandaged foot would be evidence itself.

“You’re not in-country, Sergeant. Restricted duty doesn’t mean loafing in your quarters watching television. There’s plenty of work you can do that doesn’t require your foot. Now, I don’t intend to wait all day. If you’re not ready to go in five minutes, then I’m going to lose my cherub like demeanor.”

“Yes, sir,” Jeremy said, confused, but he turned away from the door and limped over to the wardrobe to pull out a clean and pressed uniform. Normally he’d be dressed and ready to go in minutes, but today his injury was slowing him down.

“Leave that,” Hunter said, standing at the doorway while Jeremy dressed. That neither one of them had a problem with seeing others changing clothing said a lot more about their time in the military than anything else. Jeremy frowned again, but he put the duty belt and drop holster back on the rack where it belonged. He didn’t even open the built in handgun safe. If he didn’t need his holster then he surely wouldn’t need his gun.

Hunter saw the momentary hesitation and frown from the sergeant. He didn’t want him to have the gun for what he was planning and, honestly, he wasn’t sure how stable the sergeant really was, mentally. That might be something he needed to address, allowing him to continue walking around base armed. “Restricted duty does mean you won’t be going anyplace where you need a firearm,” Hunter asked the unasked question.

“Yes, sir,” Jeremy said. It was certainly sounding like Asher’s right hand man. “Sir, I’ve still been doing work assigned to me.”

“I’m sure you have,” Hunter said, looking around the room. It wasn’t that dissimilar from his own, except he had his own bathroom and shower where he understood the staff sergeant and others in this section of housing shared a communal shower and bathroom. He didn’t expect there to be much in the way of furnishings or decoration. But it was barren in a way that suggested impermanence. “Yet, there’s more than just reading the old files.”

Jeremy buckled the tacvest and grabbed his crutches, “What would you like me to do, Lieutenant?” he asked, not sure why he was in trouble with the new lieutenant already. It’s not like anyone assigned him any other work. If they had, he would have been doing it. He wasn’t a loafer and he did resent any implication otherwise.

“Come with me, Sergeant, we’re going to have a little chat.” With that, Hunter turned to walk away, headed away from the housing section. He had to adjust his normal walking speed in order for Corvus to keep up. His first day on base was busy, just running around talking with other team members and trying to get to know his way around. Which allowed him to go straight from the barracks to the gym area.

Jeremy followed behind Williams, growing more confused as he saw them heading toward the gym area. What was he expected to do here? Wipe down the equipment as people worked out? Checked people in and out and, was that even necessary? The few times he used the gym when he was assigned to this command he didn’t see anybody working the counter or was it a restricted duty kind of assignment?

Hunter, however, continued to one of the back training rooms. He’d been here earlier to ‘claim’ the room and get it set up. It was pretty simple setup - padded flooring placed in a circle through the center of the room, taking up most of the room. A rack was at the back holding several pugel sticks and soft foam helmets. Otherwise, it was barren. Hunter moved to just past center.

Jeremy stopped inside the door, looking around confused. What was going on? “Sir?” he asked, did he not notice the crutches?

“Deblouse and come to the center,” Hunter said, already in the process of shedding his uniform shirt. He wasn’t a young guy anymore and so didn’t feel the need to wear his undershirts so tight that they showed off every muscle. Also, at his age, he could be fit and in shape, but the aesthetics weren’t quite there so much. Not like the young staff sergeant and his compression shirt, showing off everything.

“Sir,” Jeremy said, uncertain about what was going on. He was given orders and he was following them but they were also in conflict. “May I ask what-”

“Denied,” Hunter said as he turned to face Corvus. “Come over here.” He snapped his fingers and pointed at a spot in front of him.

Jeremy tried not to say anything, or react, but moved to the determined spot. He already had enough problems with Asher, he wanted to have at least one officer in this command that didn’t automatically hate him.

Hunter just nodded then turned and grabbed two of the pugel sticks. He tossed one over to Corvus while keeping the other for himself. He didn’t bother with the helmets. He wasn’t worried about needing one for himself and maybe the sergeant needed some sense knocked into him and this would be a good way to do it.

“Here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to talk about a few things, I’m going to ask questions. When you answer those questions, Sergeant, I’m going to expect full, honest answers. Everytime you try do duck a question, avoid a question or just plain try to bullshit me, you and I are going to go a few rounds with these.” He held up his stick. “Once I knock you on your ass then we go again, you somehow manage to best me, then we move on. Pretty simple, right?”

“Lieutenant,” Jeremy said, slightly more forceful than before. “I’m on restricted duty. I’m not even allowed to PT much less...whatever this is. I don’t follow those medical orders I can be in trouble, including discharged!”

“No, Sergeant, I get that. I fully understand what you’re saying, been there, done that and the t-shirt has yellowed with age. But here’s the thing, you’re going to do this and you’re going to do so willingly or you’ll be done. Not just here, but sent home, dishonorably discharged and maybe even after doing some prison time.”

Jeremy’s jaw clenched as he tried to control himself, tried to keep the anger in check. There was too much of it lately, far too much of it. And here was another officer threatening to kick him out of the service. The third one he talked to this week and the third one to make those threats. Major Asher, yeah, he could do it because, well if he feels he can get away just executing people then kicking him out should be easy. Major McNeil, she’s a counselor and give give him an unsatisfactory fitrep which would not just kick him out of the service, but kill any good job prospects afterward. Now this guy. But he must think Jeremy was stupid if he thought for any length of time Jeremy was going to be fooled.

“You can’t kick me out for this,” Jeremy said, dropping the pugel stick. “Yeah, it’s disobeying your order but it’s an illegal order and in conflict with other orders.”

“Yeah, you buttmunch, you think so? How stupid are you? You think this here is what I’d write up? Try again,” Hunter said taking a step forward, until he could kick up the stick with his foot. Which he did, right at Jeremy. “I may not be able to send you to prison for disobeying these orders but I’ve got plenty else.”

“No you-” Jeremy started.

“Let’s start with cowardice in the face of the enemy,” Hunter said. “Move on to destruction of military property - you think some recruit on zero day can’t tell you allowed yourself to get hurt? Insubordination, and the number of times that happened in a week is mind boggling! Attempt to go AWOL, failure to perform your duties and the ever lovin conduct unbecoming.”

“Lieutenant, you don’t have...I’ve never even seen you before today!”

“No, you haven’t. Major Asher may be soft and want to give you another shot,” Hunter said, fudging the conversation a little. “Why he would is boggling to the mind, but he did. He gave me instructions to take care of your problems and get you squared away. You can’t do that before the next mission, then you’re gone. If a court martial is what I have to do, then that’s what I’ll do, but you and all your bullshit will be gone. We’ll get someone here that actually deserves to be here. You understand that, dickhead?”

Hunter waited, he saw what he was looking for - the anger inside the young man. “You could just quit now, General Wolf will arrange it, get you out the remainder of your enlistment. Walk away now. It’ll be less than honorable and screw with your benefits, but you could do it. What’s it to be? And, I’m an old guy, you should easily take me, right?”

“That’s a trap,” Jeremy said, leaning on the stick to keep weight off his foot. “You decided the rules of this sick game and I’d be an idiot to think you’d pick something you weren’t very good at.”

“So there is some intelligence rolling around what I’m told is a very thick skull. That’s good, that works for you. But then again, doesn’t explain your actions.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about me from Major,” Jeremy said, shaking his head, “why should I even think this is going to be fair? That you’ll listen?”

“Because I’m your last chance, buttmunch.” Hunter answered, twirling the pugel stick. “You can’t convince me you’re worth the effort then there won’t be any.” Hunter tried to set his initial reaction to the accusation of the question aside and what was behind it. Major Asher said his conduct was super great or abysmal. It was obvious the two were clashing that there was bad blood between them and, no matter who is really at fault, it was very difficult for an NCO win a pissing contest with a Major. Sounded like the young sergeant knew that. “I need to know if you are worth it. I need to know how much of your jacket are passons.”

Jeremy just glared, not answering that provocation. He was sure that’s all the lieutenant wanted, to get him angry, to have Jeremy strike out at him so he could add another charge.

“Why do you even want to be here?” Hunter asked. That was the biggest piece of the puzzle that Hunter wanted to find. From there, he felt he could start putting together a whole picture. But he was putting up with everything here so there had to be a reason. What the reason was would determine how this would go.

“Why, sir?” Jeremy said, leaning on the stick and thinking he should just get this over with. If this was going to be the way it went, it shouldn’t be too bad. “It’s an honor,” he said, remembering one of the ‘rules’ was no bullshit. “It means that somewhere people have looked at me and thought I was pretty darned good at something so I got assigned here. I didn’t ask for it, didn’t even know it existed, but I was selected. Someone recognized that I’m good at what I do.”

“Fine, good,” Hunter said, standing in a ready position. “But why are you here?”

“I get to go to other planets! And so far I’ve seen a village destroyed and was given two days to live and almost lost my leg but it still means something to me that I get to do this.”

“What’s your problem with Asher?” Hunter asked, rapidfire, just as soon as Jeremy stopped talking.

“I don’t have a problem with Asher,” Jeremy said.

Hunter didn’t give him any warning, he was told the rules of engagement. The pugel stick hit Jeremy in the solar plexus, doubling him over. Hunter went after his left knee, collapsing the joint to the left then swept the right foot, dropping Jeremy hard on his back. Another jab to the chest finished it off. “Get up,” he ordered as he went back to his spot.

Jeremy stared at the ceiling, gasping harshly to reclaim his breath, his foot throbbed and he hit his head hard on the mats. He grabbed the stick and used it to help him climb back to his good foot. He glared at Williams but didn’t dare press an attack. Grimacing, he tried to stand firm.

“Again, what’s your problem with Asher?” Hunter asked.

“Just hit me with the stick again,” Jeremy said, “cause you’re never going to believe anything I say here. You’ll just think I’m full of bull - cow patties and come at me everytime.”

“No,I think there’ll be incentive for you to tell me the truth, whether it’s what I want to hear or not.” Hunter said. He contemplated knocking the kid to his ass again for trying to avoid the question a second time. But he was getting information. This kid didn’t feel like he was being trusted. That was something. “In the end, you’ll just have to extend me trust on credit.”

Jeremy shook his head. “Haven’t I been in enough trouble?”

That question earned him a knock upside the head, when he was trying to recover another hit him across the small of the back. He dropped to his knees and was then flattened. “I told you I wouldn’t put up with bullshit either!” Williams said, not angry but not kindly either.

“One more rule, buttmunch,” Williams continued, “third strike and your ass is out of here and I’ll submit my charges and go from there. What. Is. Your. Problem. With. Asher?”

“He’s a pompous ass!” Jeremy said as he climbed back to his feet, wiping a small stream of blood from his lip. “He doesn’t give a damn about anyone not already on his side! He’s arrogant and psychotic!”

Williams shrugged, “So he’s an officer. You haven’t dealt with an officer before?”

“Not like him! Not someone ready to shoot their own teammates then later tell you they’d shoot you to if you try to stop them from executing someone! That’d they kill you and not even blink doing it!”

“Major Asher didn’t tell you he was going to shoot you, it was the other person, the pain in the ass scientist.”

“The biscuit he didn’t!” Jeremy said, wiping his lip again, it came away blood free. “No, he didn’t say it in front of everyone, it was in his office. After he’d already let it get out that I was out of control and a danger!”

“When you tried to go AWOL?” Hunter asked, deflecting. Would Asher have told the kid he was going to shoot him as well? Maybe, Williams decided. If the kid had tried to let the scientist go, probably.

“Dang It!” Jeremy said, pounding the floor with the stick. “I screwed up there and was wrong! But I never intended to go AWOL! I wouldn’t have even thought of turning my guns on the analysts if they didn’t open the Gate.” He kept pounding the mat with the end of the stick. “Yes, I screwed up and should have known better! I didn’t think I was doing a Bergdahl and yeah, that’s what would have happened. But, haven’t I suffered enough? I was stripped of my weapons, taken down at gunpoint, chewed out by the Major and I learned my lesson from that! Maybe I should just stop, should just let you charge me with it so I can have a day in court and explain my side of it. Maybe then someone will believe I’m just an idiot but not a traitor or deserter.”

Hunter put the end of his stick on the mat as well, holding the other end. This wasn’t the beginning of the problems but, it was the largest portion of it. It really was the cardinal point from where everything else flowed. There was a lot of anger in the young man over this one incident and yet...the anger was there before that, wasn’t there? From the conversations Hunter had, yes there was. “Suffered? What have you suffered?”

Jeremy shook his head. “I have people looking at me like I’m some sort of unbalanced lunatic.I have a CO that constantly throws it in my face and thinks he did the best thing ever by stopping me.”

“Didn’t he?” Hunter asked. “He stopped you from getting yourself killed, uselessly.”

“You don’t know that,” Jeremy said. “We don’t know that. We don’t know if the forces were still there days later. And that doesn’t matter, because-”

“Doesn’t matter?” Hunter said. “If you managed, somehow, to get through the Gate then what? You planned on taking on a whole army of advanced weaponry by yourself? Then what? You even know how to dial a Gate to get back.”

“Yes!” Jeremy said, taking a step forward. “I do. Because I can learn how to do things! I’m not a complete dumb...idiot, despite what the Major wants to tell everyone!”

Hunter wasn’t sure this was worth it. Why didn’t Asher just boot him already? He was right, why should he put up with this bullshit. “Is that what you think he says?”

“I know that’s what he says,” Jeremy said, picking up the stick and looking down at it. The mood changed, slightly. It was angry but the mask that was the anger slipped. “He’s said it enough to everyone. I shouldn’t be surprised, though. What does he care? He didn’t care that he ruined my reputation here just by ignoring what I…”

He put the stick down again and stared at the floor. “What do you want from me, Lieutenant? You want me gone? Then just do it. There’s no sense keeping me here, cause it’s obvious I’m not good enough to be here.”

Within moments Hunter had him on the floor again, gasping for breath and in pain as Hunter jabbed then swept his injured foot again. After the first hit, Jeremy tried to defend himself but it was too little and too late. His ear was red from where Williams smashed the padded end of the pugel stick into it. “I told you to cut out the bullshit,” he said, walking back to his spot to continue.

“What bullshit?” Jeremy asked, sitting up but moving no further.

“Get up, Sergeant,” Hunter said, “On your feet.” He was still surprised to see Corvus obeyed his orders. The sergeant was conflicted, that was for sure. “I’ve seen your records, I’ve seen for myself why you’re here. Hell, there’s more reason for you to be here than me. But something happened. What was it?”

“Major Asher,” Jeremy said. He managed to get the stick up in a defensive posture. He blocked a few blows but between his relative inexperience with the sticks and his injury, he couldn’t win. Didn’t have the chance to win. He wiped more blood from his lip and it felt like a rib may have separated. Or was just really bruised. Either way, it hurt. His foot throbbed and it felt like there was a trickle, as if a stitch broke open. He checked and there was a blossom of red under the bandage.

“Why were you going to the village?” Hunter asked, so far he’d not even come close to breaking a sweat or breathing heavy. It was, perhaps, unfair on his part to choose something that he loved playing with, especially the older he got. The more he was able to put down the young ‘studs’ coming out of the PJ training pipeline with something as simple as a stick with padded ends the better he felt about what he was doing as he grew older. But there was something different here. There was anger, lots of anger but he expected there to be cockiness or bruised ego underneath. There wasn’t, at least not that he found yet.

Jeremy dragged himself to his feet again, knowing he was blossoming in bruises in several places. “I had to see if it was destroyed or if she was lying about it being attacked.”

“What does it matter?” Hunter said, “You didn’t know anybody there. As I understand it, the only contact you had from there was some food Shae brought the group. You telling me food is that important?”

“No,” Jeremy said, gripping the shaft of the pugel stick, his knuckles turning white from the strain. “We couldn’t do it again. Not another time.”

“Do what?” Hunter asked, pieces of the puzzle were suddenly starting to fall into place. He didn’t have enough of the picture yet but he had enough to know he had to push and push hard. There could only be two outcomes if what he was guessing was close to the truth.

“I don’t want to do this,” Jeremy said, tossing his stick aside. He turned, starting to limp to toward the crutches.

Hunter intercepted him, grabbing his arm and turning him around. “I asked you a question, Sergeant!” Hunter said.

“So hit me with the stick again!” Jeremy yelled back. “Just keep hitting me until you’re satisfied that I’m worthless and get rid of me. Just stop trying to play games with me! Let me leave and get back to my work or get rid of me!”

Hunter blocked his path again. “What couldn’t we do again?” he asked it again.

Jeremy went to push past him but Hunter grabbed his arm again.

“Jeremy,” Hunter said, taking a risk. He told Asher there would be three reasons, or combination of three reasons. Cocky and arrogant, wanting to be in charge wasn’t there. He made calls, he talked to people. He read the files and saw what wasn’t there. That left the other two options, or a combination of it. Using the sergeant’s name was a risk and if it didn’t pan out, then he’d have to do what everyone wanted. Corvus’s military career would be over.

“Jeremy,” he said, again, modulating his voice low and soft. Jeremy stopped, his body thrumming and fists clenched, but he stopped. “What can’t we do again. I’m listening, Jeremy, I’m listening to what you need to tell me.” He stressed the word ‘need’ instead of ‘want’. Because, he was beginning to suspect that Corvus never wanted to talk about whatever was behind the village.

“No, it doesn’t matter,” Jeremy said. He turned toward Hunter, shaking his head. “It’ll never stop, we’ll just keep doing it over and over again and...it’ll never change. We did it on Big Round and people died! We told them to trust us and they were killed for it!”

“Jeremy,” Hunter started, They were suffering long before us was the way he was going to finish that sentence but he saw the puzzle now. Pieces were missing here and there, but he could see the puzzle. “I spoke with Captain Mitchell.”

He expected anger. He expected the sergeant to pull away from him, screaming and yelling. What he didn’t expect was just the tremor in the kid’s body and the tightening of his closed eyes. He shook his head and muttered the single word “no”.

“I’ve read your record, Jeremy. You came out of PJ school. Yeah, you weren’t the best in training, in fact the only placed you excelled - to the surprise of everyone - was in medical training. Because of that you were reassigned to a unit in Afghanistan. With Captain Mitchell.”

“Don’t…” Jeremy muttered. He tried pulled away now and Hunter let him.

“I’ve known Mitchell for awhile, since he came out of CRO and was assigned in the spot I’m now, a unit’s second. I’ve worked with him off and on until he got his own unit, as he promoted. I know the way he is.”

“He’s a great man,” Jeremy said, his voice wavering. “He was a good commander. He’d listen to me. He knew that there were times I needed him. Not like Asher, not like the Major who doesn’t give a damn and ignores everyone but himself. And Shae!”

It was an attempt to rebuild the wall of anger, to deflect from what was coming. Jeremy hobbled toward the pugel stick. Hunter left his down, but he was preparing. “No, Asher isn’t Mitchell. Mitchell is a very different commanding officer. I don’t know Asher well enough to compare the two favorably or unfavorably. But Mitchell isn’t perfect, Jeremy. He had his flaws as well. Sometimes he let something slide, something that should be corrected. He did that with you, didn’t he? Something that should have been reported wasn’t it, was it?”

“NO!” Jeremy said, grabbing the stick and turning, holding it in the ready position.

“Don’t bullshit me!” Hunter said. “I saw your records. Mitchell thought you were a rock star. Every mission you’re getting commendations. You’re record is that you’ve not lost a single patient in the field. Every damn time Mitchell is turning his after action reports into a love letter to your career.”

“Because I’m good at what I do!” Jeremy said, shifting his weight forward onto his good foot.

There it is, the chink in the final barrier. Hunter kept himself steeled, the stick down and seemingly unprepared. “Yes, that’s what Mitchell thought as well. Until about three months ago. Suddenly his rockstar is beached. You’re reassigned to base medical where you’re prepping dental patients and dealing with blisters and heat rashes. You’re working below your potential.”

“It’s the rotation,” Jeremy said, twisting his grip. He wasn’t even aware of what he was doing, only that subconsciously he saw the tracks and the approaching train - but he couldn’t get out of the way.

“You’re exempt from rotations and you know it. You’re not a medic, you’re PJ, an operator and you have skills other than just a medic. In fact, you weren’t even the medic on your last two patrols were you?”

“No,” Jeremy said, spitting out the word. “Don’t. This has nothing to do with what’s going on here! That’s there, in country! Not here.”

“You got a new member in the unit and Mitchell wanted to give him some time in the medic slot. He didn’t want to take you out, because he recognized your skills, but this guy needed the extra experience. Where’d he put you?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jeremy said, his breathing increased and became shallower. His shoulders tightened. He didn’t realize that his vision narrowed to just Hunter.

“Right before you were taken out of the field and put into base, you were a bona fide hero! That last action, Mitchell wanted to put you in for a medal. He told me you begged him not to. You deserved a medal but you turned it down!” Hunter said, wanting to step forward, to confront him, force the issue.

“I didn’t deserve it. Nobody deserved it.” Jeremy said, he was glaring now.

“You took out a terrorist that was about to take out your unit! One shot and you saved -” Hunter brought the stick up in time to save himself from the savage strike. There was no finesse to the attack, only savage fury. It would be a pure beat down if Hunter wasn’t good at this exercise and, to be honest, if Corvus wasn’t injured. But that didn’t seem to be slowing him down.

But Jeremy was saying something, each word coming out to the staccato rhythm of the strikes. Hunter skipped, sidestepped, deflected but the fury wasn’t abating. “She. Wasn’t. A. Terrorist!” That’s all Hunter could make out.

“Who?” Hunter asked, “Who wasn’t a terrorist?” His own words came out in a slow tempo, spoken as he continued to defend himself. The strikes weren’t abating but Hunter knew he had to let Corvus continue until he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Corvus suddenly stopped, the stick still held poised to strike but his screaming had changed timbre. “I killed her! She wasn’t a terrorist and I killed her!”

“Oh shit,” Hunter said, moving quickly to drop his stick and cross the few steps to Corvus. He took the stick from unresisting fingers. He tossed both aside, knowing they weren’t necessary anymore.

“I killed her. She was just a child and I had to kill her to save everyone else!” Jeremy sobbed.

“Okay, Sergeant, okay,” Hunter said, grabbing the kid and pulling him close. Jeremy grabbed him, holding onto him tight, desperate. “It’s okay,” Hunter said. The sad reality of sending kids off to war, especially a protracted war, was that eventually they all broke. They needed someone to be there and let them crumble. Until then, they could never be mended.

“They used her to punish the village because they allowed us into their homes. They were becoming our friends. It seemed like we could make headway!” Jeremy sobbed, speaking into Hunter’s broad shoulders, still holding on like he’d dry up and tumble away if he didn’t. Hunter shifted positions to keep them both standing. He hugged Corvus against him, letting the kid know there was someone there for him.

“What happened, Jeremy?” He asked, simple, soothing. It made sense now, when he called Mitchell and asked about Corvus. Mitchell was confused why Hunter was calling. He stated he thought Hunter was working with veteran groups, maybe even the VA himself. When he told Mitchell he was trying to help the kid, the Captain only said “thank god he’s finally asked for help.” He wouldn’t say more but Hunter understood it now. Understood almost everything. But Jeremy needed to get it out.

But Jeremy was resisting again. He said he didn’t want to talk about it. That it was over, done with. “Jeremy,” Hunter said, “what happened?” He resisted saying anything as the hug tightened.

“She came running out, carrying a box. It was supposed to be a present for us,” Jeremy said. “I knew her, we got to know her and her family.” His voice cracked as he spoke, his words coming haltingly, hesitantly. Every word a knife cutting into his being. “Mitchell put me on overwatch, scanning for threats while the others went to make contact in the village. Hajji learned they were working with us and this village was to be an example. They…” Jeremy stopped, he couldn’t. “I can’t...I...don’t..please, she was just a girl,” he sobbed.

“What happened,” Hunter said, again, holding Jeremy’s head, letting the kid cry on his shoulder. “I know it’s hard for you. Trust me, Jeremy, I know it’s hard. Let it out, kid,” he said.

“No,” Jeremy said around sob that wracked his whole body.

“They were going to set an example,” Hunter prodded. They had to get it all out or Jeremy would continue to fester. His stupid shit would continue because…”Jeremy, you didn’t just think you had to go to extremes to get Asher to listen to you. The wolf bite, going back to Big Round, running out to rescue the guy?”

Jeremy’s answer was only in another full body tremor.

“Jeremy,” Hunter said. “Let it out before it kills you.” Now he finally moved Jeremy away, so that he could see the sergeant’s face - red, blotchy, wet. But he looked him in the eye. “I’ve seen too many good people let things like this destroy them, until all that is left is a shell. What they destroy by their own hand is already eaten away and rotten inside. You’re a good man, a good Airman, Jeremy. Up to this point. Up until this moment in time. The after action report said it was a terrorist.”

“No,” Jeremy said, dropping his head and refusing to look at him anymore. “We said it was a terrorist, the team said it was because...she’s just a few years younger than my sister. When...later...when we did the clean up...she was holding a small toy I’d given her. It was clasped in her arm, it was blown off.” Every word was a hitch in his chest, flowing out in vomited chunks. “We found parts of her for yards in every direction. They chose her because of us,” Jeremy said, the strength leaving his body. He collapsed to the floor in a heap.

Hunter sat next to him, an arm across his shoulder, letting him know there was support, that he was safe and protected. “Your unit doctored the report and when there was talk of a medal, you couldn’t let the lie be honored, could you?”

“No,” Jeremy said. “And because she wasn’t a terrorist. They took her family. They told her they’d let everyone go if she just took a present to us when we came back. I should have been down there, then I wouldn’t have…” It took another few minutes before he could continue again. Hunter sat next to him, pulling him closer, giving him the space.

“I saw the wires, through my scope. Just a few but I knew...I want to say I knew but I didn’t. Not for sure, but I knew. I radioed Mitchell. He tried. They all tried. She just kept running to them. She was smiling...she was…” he bent over, his hands covering his face, muffling his words. “...and I shot her in the head….”

Hunter pulled him back over, put both arms around his shoulders and, as if he were one of his children when they were younger, he rocked him. He let him cry, he let him muttered and mumble. Mostly, he listened while Corvus talked. Probably for the first time.

Jeremy was screaming at her to stop, to drop the box. He didn’t know he was doing it until his throat was raw and hurting later. They were all yelling at her, diving for cover. But, Jeremy said he knew if it was an IED then it would seriously injure or kill most of the team. Unless he did something. He didn’t ask for permission. He didn’t watch. He closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. He heard the ‘fwip’ of the shot, heard the whine as it cut through the air.

He heard the meaty thud when the bullet struck home, in her forehead. He’d opened his eyes by then, the scene still clearly magnified through the scope. The pressure of the bullet built up inside her little skull. The entry was a small little thing but...her hair lifted and the pressure from the shot and the kinetic energy created a pressure wave. A wave that exited the back of her head.

She fell where she was, the box tumbling aside. As she died, she pulled the little stuffed toy against her chest, clutching it tightly in her dead fingers.

It wasn’t enough they were forced to kill the girl. The leaders of the cell weren’t even in the village. Only the martyrs. The cells leaders had the bombs wired for remote detonation. Which they did. Making sure there couldn’t be enough of the girl for her parents to give a proper burial.

Blowing up the rest of the village in the process. Two of their unit were wounded in the subsequent explosions. Jeremy didn’t remember how he got down to them, just that he was behind the scope of his rifle at one moment, ripping the medical bag of the new guy the next moment. Both his teammates survived back to camp and the evac. One died shortly after take off. The other at Ramstein in Germany.

The team agreed, it wasn’t a little girl that was running out. It was simply a terrorist, a suicide bomber. Someone they knew and trusted turned against them. Jeremy was hailed a hero for what he did.

Mitchell had to take him out the field for several months. Jeremy couldn’t go out, he couldn’t function. He didn’t talk about the incident after begging Mitchell to kill the medal. But, when they found the leaders of that cell, Jeremy exhibited dangerous, self destructive behavior in taking the firefight to them. Mitchell told Jeremy he needed the break.

“It was just about the last month he let me back out, on small patrols and strictly as a medic. He didn’t want me to go armed but, if he made those orders, he’d have to explain and we both worried it would ruin my career. I promised him I’d go to him when I had problems.” Jeremy sounded tired, exhausted, drained. Even to himself. His head hurt from all the tears and memories.

“Mitchell tried to protect you, he knew you were just bent, not entirely broken.” Hunter said, matter of fact. He knew Mitchell and sometimes Mitchell had a habit of going blind where his people were concerned.

“Yeah, I don’t want to leave the service, Lieutenant but...I see that moment so much. On Big Round I saw her as the village was attacked. I knew what was going on but Shae lied to me. It allowed me to pretend it wasn’t close to the same as the other village. I started to go there. I would have gone there and I know I would have been killed and it wouldn’t have mattered.”

“Except, part of you thought you could find atonement if you could help the village?”

“Yes,” Jeremy said, he thought he was dried out. But tears seemed to be infinite.

“Why the anger at Asher?” Hunter asked, “I don’t understand that.”

“He doesn’t listen to me,” Jeremy said. “I can’t get him to even acknowledge that we might need his guidance. On Avalon - yeah I know, everyone hates me calling that but it’s too beautiful to be called PX boring designation. On Avalon, we were all scared, not just Shae. I tried hard to put on a good front but I was dying and everything I was saying to O’Connor and Shae about how we would pull through, that it wasn’t going to end badly. I didn’t believe any of it. I needed him and he wasn’t there. God, Lieutenant, I was so horny I...I finished once just trying to take a piss. Just taking it out was enough to bring me to conclusion. I told him I needed him.”

“He’s not Mitchell,” Hunter said. “You can’t expect him to be Mitchell.”

“I know,” Jeremy said. “And I’m an idiot because, trying to get him to take five seconds to listen to me, I let myself get bitten. I told O’Connor to tell him I took all the antibiotics earlier so Asher would have to get involved. I figured once he got over yelling at me, threatening me, for stealing medical supplies for my own selfish use he’d want to know why. I figured I could tell him about the CDC people then and we could force the truth out of them.”

Jeremy hid his face again. “But I didn’t need to do it. I didn’t. He listened to me anyway. I nearly lost my leg, I nearly died to get some attention from him and all I had to do was tell him what I knew and what I could prove. Even later, when we found the dead bodies, he even told me that he recognized I did well in recognizing problems with them. He said I got to say “told you so” but I couldn’t. Because my head has been up my rear too much and I couldn’t do it. I’m so mad at him because...because he stopped me from going to Big Round.”

Hunter sighed. Jeremy did all the hard work until now. It was Hunter’s turn and, after all he’d heard, all he knew now, he didn’t want to know the answer to his next question but it had to be asked. “Jeremy, are you thinking of killing yourself?”

Jeremy shook his head, the question itself was a small blip of anger, but, he understood why it was being asked. “No. Even doing the stuff that could get me hurt or killed, I’m not wanting to die. I just...I don’t want to see her dying anymore.”

“Have you thought of killing or harming yourself directly? Or just indirectly, like what you’ve done recently?”

“No, sir,” Jeremy said, knowing his career was done now. He’d be bounced out as a nutcase and everything was done. He’d maybe get lucky and work at McDonalds or Walmart. But anything good and decent? Nope he was done for. He’d have the albatross of mental illness stuck to him for the rest of his life in the form of a DD 214 that said “less than honorable”.

“Okay, that’s good. But I have to take action now, you understand that?”

Jeremy just nodded.

“First, you absolutely, positively will not try to go offworld unless on a sanctioned mission.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said, laughing a little bit at that. “Learned that lesson already.”

“Second, I’m going to set you up with a counselor. You are to make every appointment as possible. The only time you are allowed to miss an appointment is on a mission, then you will make it up as soon as possible on our return. Anything else you got going on will be secondary to that appointment, unless countermanded by Major Asher or General Wolf, understood?”

“I’m already seeing a counselor, but if you could find me someone else, that’d be better.” Jeremy said, hoping. He didn’t like McNeil.

“Nope, if there are issues with the counselor then you’ll need to learn to set those aside and work on getting better.” Hunter shrugged. It would be good.

“Third, you’re going to work on mending the relationships you’ve sank.”

“Sir,” Jeremy said in response.

“Fourth, you come to me whenever you feel like hurting yourself, or doing something that would get you hurt or killed for that purpose.”

“Lieutenant,” Jeremy said, “Things I’ve done, like grabbing the Goa’Uld on Big Round? I’d do that regardless. I was doing stuff like that before what happened.”

“I know, I read the reports. Which is why I’m giving you a chance. That and Mitchell did what you wanted, not what you needed. I’m going to give you what you need, even though it’s not what you want.”

“Sir,” Jeremy acknowledged.

“You’ll have to get Asher to sign off on letting you stay. Unless you prefer to transfer.”

“Sir, I’d like to stay, if I could. I am my record, sir. I deserve to be here based on everything before...before the village. I want to stay.” Jeremy watched Hunter, watched to see what he might say, what hope he might give.

“Then we’ll talk with Asher. You’ll have to convince him. He was willing to give you a chance but...he doesn’t know about any of this and you’ll have to be honest with him. The decision is his, or Wolf’s. I’ll do what I can to help you, provided you’re doing everything I’ve ordered in good faith and to the best of your ability.”

“What if he…” Jeremy couldn’t finish the sentence. He already knew. If Asher said no, then he was gone. He didn’t know what Asher would do, transfer him back to his old unit, kick him out of the service? Why should he expect Asher would even give him the chance? But, all he could do was ask for it because he only stood to win the second chance to prove himself.

“Last, you have to make sure you have clearances for full duty from all medical providers until you can even think about going on missions again. That’s for your foot and for your head, understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Jeremy said.

“Alright, then on your feet Airman,” Hunter said, standing up himself. He groaned as he realized they’d been sitting for some time and he went stiff. “We’re going to take a side trip to the medical wing and have you checked out. Your foot is bleeding and needs to be looked at. I’m betting your pride needs some attention as well.” He helped Jeremy to stand and then retrieved his crutches for him.

“My pride?” Jeremy asked. He felt stiff himself, weak and wasn’t sure how he’d make it to medical then back to his quarters.

“Yeah, your pride. It’s gotta be hurting quite a bit getting beat up by an old man and all.” Hunter said, smiling.

“Told you it was unfair,” Jeremy muttered as he followed Hunter one more time, this time toward medical. Where he knew at least a few stitches popped loose, judging from the blood on his bandages. But, somehow, he wasn’t sure why, he actually felt lighter. Until he thought of the conversation he’d have to have with Asher.